liánjià de hóng wǎn

Wǒ de tóngshì mǎile jǐ zhǐ wǎn. "Yī wàn dùn sān gè," tā bǎ yī zhǐ wǎn fàng zài yǔ yǎn píng qí de wèizhì, shuō: "Liǎng wàn dùn qī gè."

Tā jìxù shuō: "Yǒu yīgè nǚhái wèn wǒ kěbù kěyǐ gè fù yī wàn dùn, ránhòu tā ná sì gè wǎn, wǒ ná sān gè."

Tā píngshí shìgè hěn zìsī de rén, suǒyǐ lìngwài yīgè tóngshì wèn: "Wèishéme bùshì nǐ ná sì gè wǎn?"

"Yīnwèi," tā huídá, "Nàgè nǚhái zhēn piàoliang!"

廉价的红碗

我的同事买了几只碗。「一万盾三个，」他把一只碗放在与眼平齐的位置，说：「两万盾七个。」

他继续说：「有一个女孩问我可不可以各付一万盾，然后她拿四个碗，我拿三个。」

他平时是个很自私的人，所以另外一个同事问：「为什么不是你拿四个碗？」

「因为，」他回答，「那个女孩真漂亮！」

cheap, red bowls

My colleague bought some bowls. "If you pay 10K rupiahs, you'll get three of these," he said while bringing one of the bowls eye level. "If you pay 20K rupiahs, you'll get seven."

He continued, "A girl asked to combine her 10K rupiahs with mine, and to have four bowls while I get only three."

Another colleague of mine asked: "Why weren't you the one who took four?" My colleague who bought the bowls was known as a very selfish man.

"Because," he answered, "The girl was very pretty."

bèn bèn de gǔgē fānyì

Wǒ wèn yīgè zhōngguó de nǚxìng péngyǒu: "Zài gàn ma?" Tā huídá, "Gānggāng qù chāoshìle, mǎi niánhuò."

Gǔgē fānyì shuō, niánhuò shì sīwà de yìsi.

Wǒ wèn tā, "Shénme yánsè?"

Zhègè wèntí ràng tā gǎndào kùnhuò. "Shénme?"

Shén... Shénme? Nándào shì wǒ de zhōngwén tài bù qīngchǔle ma? "Nà niánhuò yǒu shé me yánsè?"

Tā huídá: "Niánhuò shì zhǔnbèi guònián yòng de tángguǒ a!"

=_=a

笨笨的谷歌翻译

我问一个中国的女性朋友：「在干嘛？」她回答，「刚刚去超市了，买年货。」

谷歌翻译说，年货是丝袜的意思。

我问她，「什么颜色？」

这个问题让她感到困惑。「什么？」

什。。。什么？难道是我的中文太不清楚了吗？「那年货有什么颜色？」

她回答：「年货是准备过年用的糖果啊!」

=_=a

stupid, stupid google translate

I asked a female friend from China what she's doing. She said, "Going to supermarket to buy nian huo."

On Google Translate, nian huo translated to stockings.

I asked, "What color?"

She was confused. "What?"

What was what? Was my Chinese that bad? "What is the color of the nian huo?"

She answered: "Nian huo are the sweets for the upcoming Chinese new year!"

=_=a

yìnní de wǔzhuāng jūnduì

Dāng yīgè péngyǒu bèi wèn dào tā zhǎng dà yào gànshénme shí huídá “ABRI”, wǒmen juédé hěn jīngyà. Wǒmen dōu shì bā líng hòu. Yìnní de jūnduì suīrán rújīn yǐ gēngmíng wèi “TNI”, dànshì zài sū hā tuō zhízhèng qíjiān, tāmen jiào “ABRI”. Nàgè shíhòu duì wǒmen huárén lái shuō, yǒuyī fèn hé zhèngfǔ xiāngguān de gōngzuò shífēn hǎnjiàn.

Jǐ nián hòu, wǒ de péngyǒu jìnrùle Taruna Nusantara xuéxiào, nà shì yī suǒ wèiyú mǎ gé lǎng de bàn jūnshì huà de gāozhōng. Zhè suǒ xuéxiào de hěnduō bìyè shēng dōu chéngwéile jūnrén. Wǒ dì nàgè péngyǒu bìyè hòu, yě céngjīng shēnqǐng jiārù jūnduì, dànshì bèi jùjuéle. Tā fǎndào jìnrù dàxué, bìyèle hòu chéngwéile yī míng yīshēng.

Yòuguòle jǐ nián, jūnduì zhēngzhào xiàng yīshēng, diànqì gōngchéngshī děng zhèyàng de zhuānyè rénshì. Bùyòng shuō, wǒ nà péngyǒu yòu qù shēnqǐngle. Ér zhè cì tāmen tōngguòle tā de shēnqǐng.

Tā méiyǒu lìkè kāishǐ shàngbān. Tā xūyào jīngguò yángé de tǐnéng xùnliàn, měitiān xùnliàn qíjiān bìxū tízhe gè sānshí gōngjīn zuǒyòu de wǔqì. Tāmen bìng méiyǒu rènhé de xièdài. Tā de yīgè tóngshì, yěshì tōngguò “zhuānyè rénshì” bàomíng jìnrù de jūnduì, hòulái yīnwèi shǒuliúdàn bàozhà shīqùle yī zhǐ gēbó.

Zài wǒ zhè wèi péngyǒu fàngjià de shíhòu, wǒ jiàn dàole tā. Yīnwèi tā qiàhǎo jiù zài wǒ nà shí jūzhù de chéngshì shòu xùn. Gāng kāishǐ wǒ méi rèn chū tā. Tā yuánxiān bǐjiào shòu, diǎnxíng de zhōngguó liǎn (nǐmen kěyǐ zài Youtube shàng kàn kàn zhòng guó xìjù, tā hé xìjù lǐ de dànjué er zhǎng dé jīhū yīmúyīyàng), pífū báibái de. Dànshì zhè cì zàijiàn dào tā de shíhòu, tā yǐjīng biàn chéngle shēncái jiànměi, pífū yǒuhēi de jīròu xíng nán. Dāng yīgèrén shēncái biàn dé nàme jiànměi, tā de xiàbā hé quán gǔ yě huì biàn dé... Zěnme shuō, xiàntiáo gèngjiā túchū, zhěng zhāng liǎn dūhuì suí zhī gǎibiàn.

"Wǒ jiǎnzhí rèn bù chū nǐle!" wǒ jīng hū. Zhīqián tā "hāi" "hāi" de jiàole wǒ hǎojǐ biàn, wǒ dū méi lǐ tā, wǒ hái yǐwéi shìgè suíyì zhǎo rén dāshàn de jiāhuo.

Yǒuqù de shì, zuòwéi shíxí shēng, tā bèi cìyǔle jūnxián. Bù jìdé shì jūnshì háishì zhōngwèile. Wǒ yǐqián rènwéi xùnliàn wán hòu cái bèi shòuyǔ jūnxián, dàn xiǎnrán bùshì zhèyàng zi.

Hái yǒu, wǒ hěn hàoqí tāmen wèishéme jiàole yī míng yīshēng shǐyòng wǔqì. Tā gàosù wǒ, zài zhàndòu zhōng méiyǒu rén néng bǎozhèng nǐ de ānquán, zhǐ néng kào zìjǐ.

Wǒ er shí de péngyǒu wánchéng xùnliàn hòu, zhùzhá zài yìnní de dōngbù. Rúguǒ zài yǒu tā de xiāoxī, wǒ huì gàosù nǐmen de.

印尼的武装军队

当一个朋友被问到他长大要干什么时回答《ABRI》，我们觉得很惊讶。我们都是八零后。印尼的军队虽然如今已更名为《TNI》，但是在苏哈托执政期间，他们叫《ABRI》。那个时候对我们华人来说，有一份和政府相关的工作十分罕见。

几年后，我的朋友进入了Taruna Nusantara学校，那是一所位于马格朗的半军事化的高中。这所学校的很多毕业生都成为了军人。我的那个朋友毕业后，也曾经申请加入军队，但是被拒绝了。他反倒进入大学，毕业了后成为了一名医生。

又过了几年，军队征召像医生，电气工程师等这样的专业人士。不用说，我那朋友又去申请了。而这次他们通过了他的申请。

他没有立刻开始上班。他需要经过严格的体能训练，每天训练期间必须提着个三十公斤左右的武器。他们并没有任何的懈怠。他的一个同事，也是通过《专业人士》报名进入的军队，后来因为手榴弹爆炸失去了一只胳膊。

在我这位朋友放假的时候，我见到了他。因为他恰好就在我那时居住的城市受训。刚开始我没认出他。他原先比较瘦，典型的中国脸（你们可以在Youtube上看看中国戏剧，他和戏剧里的旦角儿长得几乎一模一样），皮肤白白的。但是这次再见到他的时候，他已经变成了身材健美，皮肤黝黑的肌肉型男。当一个人身材变得那么健美，他的下巴和颧骨也会变得。。。怎么说，线条更加突出，整张脸都会随之改变。

「我简直认不出你了！」我惊呼。之前他《嗨》《嗨》的叫了我好几遍，我都没理他，我还以为是个随意找人搭讪的家伙。

有趣的是，作为实习生，他被赐予了军衔。不记得是军士还是中尉了。我以前认为训练完后才被授予军衔，但显然不是这样子。

还有，我很好奇他们为什么教了一名医生使用武器。他告诉我，在战斗中没有人能保证你的安全，只能靠自己。

我儿时的朋友完成训练后，驻扎在印尼的东部。如果再有他的消息，我会告诉你们的。

indonesian armed forces

As 90's children we were surprised upon hearing one of us answered 'ABRI' when asked what he aspired to be when he grow up. ABRI was the name of Indonesian Armed Force back then. The current name is TNI. This was during Soeharto's reign, it was uncommon for us ethnic Chinese people to have a job that's related to the government.

Fast forward a few years, my friend enrolled in Taruna Nusantara, a semi military high school in Magelang. Many of the school's graduate become armed forces. When he graduated from this school, he applied to be one, but was rejected. He studied to be a doctor instead.

Fast forward a few years again, the armed forces opened a recruitment for practicing professional, for example doctors, electrical engineers, etc. Needless to say my friend applied. This time he was accepted.

He didn't start working right away. He was trained physically, needing to carry 30-ish kg of weapon everyday during training. They didn't tone down a bit. One of his colleague, also recruited from 'civilian practicing professional', lost a hand from a grenade explosion.

I met this friend of mine when he was having a day off. He was trained in the same city I happened to be staying in. At first I didn't recognize him. He went from a skinny, oriental-faced (see Chinese opera on Youtube, that was what his face looked like), white-skinned guy to a ripped and dark-skinned man. When one got that ripped, his jaws also changed to be... IDK, more protruding, his cheekbone showing, his overall face changed.

"They sure beat the Chinese out of you!" I exclaimed. He had been calling me 'hey, hey' a few times but I ignored him, I thought it was another random guy catcalling.

The interesting thing was, during this training he's been been assigned a rank, a sergeant or an lieutenant, I don't remember, something that ends with ~ant. I thought ranks were given on the end of the training. Apparently it's not.

I was also curious why would they train a doctor to bear arms. He answered that in the battlefield nobody can guarantee your safety, so one must be able to protect him/herself.

My childhood friend finished his training and was sent to serve at east of Indonesia. It's been a few years now. I'll write more if I hear from him again.

jiàomǔ

Zài dédào chóngfù xìng guǎnggào zhīhòu, wǒ zìrán'érrán yāoqiú zìjǐ qù tígōng zuì jiā fúwù, yě jiùshì ── duō xiě xiě zhè bókè.

Yǒu zhème yīgè gùshì: Yǒu liǎng gè yìnní huárén yào dìnghūn, nǚhái de jiārén yāoqiú nánfāng mǎi guì de lǐwù. Nánhái de jiàomǔ shìgè hěn cōngmíng de nǚrén. Tā huíyīng, nánhái huì dài nǚhái de jiārén qù gòuwù, yǐbiàn tāmen kěyǐ zìjǐ tiāoxuǎn xiǎng yào de wùpǐn.

Gòuwù dì nèitiān dàole, nǚhái de jiārén qù dào diànpù cái fāxiàn bìng bùshì jǐn yǒu tāmen, yǒu hěnduō rén hé tāmen yīqǐ qù. Tāmen shì tā jiàomǔ de línjū ── qízhōng bāokuò wǒ àirén de māmā. Zhèyàng ānpái de mùdì shì pòshǐ nǚhái de jiārén bù huì xuǎn ángguì de dōngxī yǐmiǎn qítā rén shuōxiánhuà. Tāmen zhù zài yīgè xiǎo de zhènzi shàng.

Nánhái de jiàomǔ zài shōuyín tái děnghòu, wéixiàozhe wèn nǚhái de jiārén, tāmen wánchéngle gòuwù méiyǒu, xià cì zài mǎi jiù bù huì suàn zài nánhái de zhàngdān shàngle.

教母

在得到重复性广告之后，我自然而然要求自己去提供最佳服务，也就是──多写写这博客。

有这么一个故事：有两个印尼华人要订婚，女孩的家人要求男方买贵的礼物。男孩的教母是个很聪明的女人。她回应，男孩会带女孩的家人去购物，以便他们可以自己挑选想要的物品。

购物的那天到了，女孩的家人去到店铺才发现并不是仅有他们，有很多人和他们一起去。他们是他教母的邻居──其中包括我爱人的妈妈。这样安排的目的是迫使女孩的家人不会选昂贵的东西以免其他人说闲话。他们住在一个小的镇子上。

男孩的教母在收银台等候，微笑着问女孩的家人，他们完成了购物没有，下次再买就不会算在男孩的账单上了。

the godmother

After getting a recurring advertiser, naturally I force myself to give the best service, in this case: write more often.

So, here goes. A girl was about to be engaged to a guy. Both were Indonesian born Chinese. The girl's family requested expensive gifts from the boy. The boy's godmother happened to live a few houses away from my lover's mother. The godmother was a smart woman, so she answered that the boy would take all the girl's family member shopping, so that they could choose gifts themselves.

When the day came, the girl's family watched in dismay that they were not the only ones going to the shop with the boy. The boy's godmother made sure that her neighbors went with them to the shop and watched. In the end the girl's family didn't pick too expensive items because they're afraid people would gossip about them later. It was a small town after all.

The boy's godmother, while waiting in line on the cashier, smiled and asked the girl's family to make sure they were done shopping, as later purchases would not be included in her boy's tab.