yìnní de jiàng tóu -- dì èr bùfèn

Bókè yǒu yīduàn shíjiān méi gēngxīnle. Zhè cì ràng wǒ gàosù nǐ yīgè yǒuguān wǔshí duō suì de nǚrén de gùshì. Tā zǒng shì gēn rén jiǎng tā shì duōme dì měilì, hái xǐhuān shuō zìjǐ pífū méiyǒu zhòuwén, lián shēngchēng èrshí duō suì de niánqīng xiǎohuǒ dōu xiǎng zhuīqiú zìjǐ. Tā gōngkāi chēng yìnní nà zhǒng jiào 'shūshu' de wū shù ràng tā déyǐ bǎochí měimào.

Kě wèntí shì, suǒyǒu rén dōu kěyǐ kànjiàn tā liǎn shàng de zhòuwén, érqiě tā de zhòuwén jiù xiàng shì zài bīngxiāng lǐ fàngle yīgè yuè de húluóbo de zhězhòu shì de.

Wǒ xiǎng, nàgè fǎshù zhǐshì ràng tā de nǎozi huò yǎnjīng míhúle.

Rén kěyǐ wéi le qián zuò chū zhème kěpà de shìqíng. Shènzhì lián quēfá ānquán gǎn de lǎo nǚrén yě bù fàngguò, bùxī tōngguò qīpiàn tā lái huòqǔ jīnqián.

印尼的降头 -- 第二部分

博客有一段时间没更新了。这次让我告诉你一个有关五十多岁的女人的故事。她总是跟人讲她是多么的美丽，还喜欢说自己皮肤没有皱纹，连声称二十多岁的年轻小伙都想追求自己。她公开称印尼那种叫《叔叔》的巫术让她得以保持美貌。

可问题是，所有人都可以看见她脸上的皱纹，而且她的皱纹就像是在冰箱里放了一个月的胡萝卜的褶皱似的。

我想，那个法术只是让她的脑子或眼睛迷糊了。

人可以为了钱做出这么可怕的事情。甚至连缺乏安全感的老女人也不放过，不惜通过欺骗她来获取金钱。

indonesian black magic -- part two

Haven’t updated in a while! This time I will tell you about a fifty-something woman I know who keeps telling everyone how pretty she is, wrinkle-free, chased by men half her age, etc. She publicly praised herself for using Indonesian black magic 'susuk' to keep her beautiful.

The problem is, everyone can see that she is wrinkly. As in carrots you forget on the fridge after month-long holiday wrinkly.

I think the only thing that susuk done right was messing with her head or eyesight.

Scary what people can do for money, even going as far as conning an insecure old lady.

tā xiǎng yào qù zhōngguó xuéxí zhōngwén

Nǐ kěnéng hěn nàn xiāngxìn xiàmiàn de gùshì, dànshì wǒ xiàng nǐ bǎozhèng, zhè shì zhēn de.

Dàyuē yīgè xīngqí qián, wǒ de yīgè péngyǒu zài lùntán lǐ fāle yīgè tiē zǐ, tā xiǎng zhīdào lùntán li yǒu méiyǒu péngyǒu dàoguò zhōngguó xuéxí zhōngwén.

Jiēzhe, qùguò zhōngguó dì nàxiē rén yīgè jiē yīgè de màole chūlái, dàn què zì gù zì de gēn qítā rén liáole qǐlái. Zhídào tāmen liáo dào língxià wǔ dù xià xuě de tiānqì gēn língdù yǐshàng guā fēng de tiānqì nǎge gèng bú shūfú de shíhòu. Zhōngyú yǒurén xiǎngqǐ wǒ dì nà wèi péngyǒu, wèn tā shìfǒu yào qù zhōngguó xuéxí zhōngwén.

Wǒ péngyǒu yǐjīngguòle shàngxué de niánlíng, suǒyǐ dāng tā huídá 'shì' de shíhòu, dàjiā dōu juédé hěn qíguài. Tā gàosù dàjiā tā méiyǒu xuǎnzé, bìxū qù. Dàjiā dàng rán bù kěn fàngqì, xiǎng cóng tā zuǐ lǐ tào chū gèng duō de xìnxī.

'Wǒ bìxū qù.' Bèi zhuīwèn dé bù shēng qí fán hòu tā shuō: 'Wǒ zài zhuī dì nà bù mànhuà chūle xùjí, zhǐyǒu zhòng wén bǎn, méiyǒu wǒmen yǔyán de bǎnběn!'

她想要去中国学习中文

你可能很难相信下面的故事，但是我向你保证，这是真的。

大约一个星期前，我的一个朋友在论坛里发了一个贴子，她想知道论坛里有没有朋友到过中国学习中文。

接着，去过中国的那些人一個接一個地冒了出來，但却自顾自地跟其他人聊了起来。直到他们聊到零下五度下雪的天气跟零度以上刮风的天气哪个更不舒服的时候。终于有人想起我的那位朋友，问她是否要去中国学习中文。

我朋友已经过了上学的年龄，所以当她回答「是」的时候，大家都觉得很奇怪。她告诉大家她没有选择，必须去。大家当然不肯放弃，想从她嘴里套出更多的信息。

「我必须去。」被追问得不胜其烦后她说：「我在追的那部漫画出了续集，只有中文版，没有我们语言的版本！」

she wanted to go to china to study language

You may find the following story hard to believe. But I assure you it is true.

About a week ago, a friend of mine posted a question to a forum. She wanted to know if said forum had any member who had been to China to study Mandarin.

Naturally, people claiming to'd visited China emerged one by one and began talking among themselves. In the middle of a discussion about which one is worse, Beijing in -5 Celcius degree with snow or Beijing above zero but with the wind blowing, someone finally remembered my friend. She asked her whether she'd want to go to China to study Mandarin.

My friend's age was past when the age when people usually go pursue their education, so when she said yes, people were curious. She told them she had to go, she had no choice. It was understandable that by then people wanted to squeeze every piece of information out of her.

"I must go," she said after so many of us pestered her: "The manga series I've been following published a new book, and the only translation available is in Chinese language."

bìshèngkè lǐ yǒu shénme dōngxī shì xīn de

Nǐ rúguǒ méiyǒu děnglízǐ diànshì, biérén juédé nǐ shì jíduān fènzi.
-- mǎkè·bó yī ěr-méiyǒu jīnqián de rén --

Wǒ shènzhì　lián yī tái diànshì dōu méiyǒu, gèng bié shuō nà?
-- wǒ --

Bìshèngkè diànyuán huì fēnfā jiàn qìqiú, qítā rén de xióng háizi bùyòng tā chuō wǒ de shíhòu, wǒ háishì xǐhuān qù nàlǐ chī bǐsà de.

Wǒ yě xǐhuān tāmen jiào “táozi quán” de yǐnliào, hěn měiwèi de. Suǒyǐ wǒ dà bùfèn shíjiān hē nàge.

Zhè cì càidān yǒu yīxiē xīn de shípǐn, hǎoxiàng jiào nà qiáo nǎilào shénme de. Yī zhǒng yìdàlì miàn de jiàng hé ròu, jiā yīxiē yùmǐ bǐng, ránhòu bǎ yùxiān rónghuà de nǎilào dào zài shàngmiàn. Wèidào jīngrén de hǎo.

Pángbiān de zhuōzi de sān gè xiǎopéngyǒu yě jīngrén de guījǔ! Wǒ xiǎng gēn jiāzhǎng jìnxíng yīcì wèn tán, zěnme gěi háizi chī shénme yàole, tāmen de háizi cái nàme shùncóng. Wǒ huáiyí, zài bìshèngkè li yǒu wéi értóng shèzhì de bòhé yān; yīnwèi bā suì yǐxià de háizi xúnguīdǎojǔ de hěn shǎo.

必胜客里有什么东西是新的

你如果没有等离子电视，别人觉得你是極端份子。
-- 马克·博伊尔-没有金钱的人 --

我甚至连一台电视都没有，更别说那？
-- 我 --

必胜客店员会分发剑气球，其他人的熊孩子不用它戳我的时候，我还是喜欢去那里吃比萨的。

我也喜欢他们叫《桃子泉》的饮料，很美味的。所以我大部分时间喝那个。

这次菜单有一些新的食品，好像叫纳乔奶酪什么的。一种意大利面的酱和肉，加一些玉米饼，然后把预先融化的奶酪倒在上面。味道惊人的好。

旁边的桌子的三个小朋友也惊人的规矩！我想跟家长进行一次问谈，怎么给孩子吃什么药了，他们的孩子才那么顺从。我怀疑，在必胜客里有为儿童设置的薄荷烟；因为八岁以下的孩子循规蹈矩的很少。

what's new on pizza hut

If you don't own a plasma screen TV, people think you're an extremist.
-- Mark Boyle – The Moneyless Man --

I don't even own a TV, how about that?
-- me --

When not being poked by sword-shaped balloons that is bestowed upon unruly children of other visitors by the employee of Pizza Hut, I like to enjoy their pizza.

I also grown to love their Peach Spring drink, which is heavenly. So I ordered that most of the time.

This time there's a new menu, nacho cheese something. It looked like someone made the meat sauce off a spaghetti recipe and added a handful of tortillas on it, then poured some previously melted cheese on it. It surprisingly tasted good.

The three children seated next to my table were also surprisingly well-behaved! I would like to throw an interview to the parents, what antidote did they give to their sweet children. Pizza Hut's places seem to exude the fume of catnip-equivalent for human children; it's very rare to see calm, contained children under the age of eight in their restaurants.

xiǎng fàngqì xuéxí zhōngwén

Zuìjìn wǒ hěn xièqì. Shénme yuányīn ne? Shàng xīngqí wǒ yùjiànle wǒ bàba de táng xiōng hé tā de liǎng gè qīnqī. Tāmen liǎ cóng dàlù lái yìnní.

Wǒ de ā bó yòng zhōngwén gēn tāmen liáotiān. Zhè sān niánlái wǒ zìxué zhōngwén, dàn wǒ tīng bù dǒng tāmen de duìhuà, zhǐ tīng dǒngle 〈nàgè〉, 〈Běijīng〉, 〈sān〉, hé 〈Táiwān〉 jǐ gè shēngcí.

Wǒ hái tīng cuòle, wǒ yǐwéi ā bó shuō 〈diǎn〉, qíshí tā shuō de shì 〈tiān〉!

Tā gàosùle dàjiā, tā bèi yāoqǐng qù běijīng cānguān yī zhǒng wǔqì. Zhǔchí rén kuākǒu shuō yòng zhè xīn de wǔqì, Táiwān kěyǐ zài sān tiān zhī nèi bèi pào hōng dǎdǎo.

Bùyào bǎ. Wǒ tài xièqì, bùyào xiūgǎi zhè piān wénzhāng suǒyǐ zài zhèngzhì shàng shì zhèngquè.

想放弃学习中文

最近我很泄气。

什么原因呢？上星期我遇见了我爸爸的堂兄 和他的两个親戚。他们俩从大陆来印尼。

我的阿伯用中文跟他们聊天。这三年来我自学中文，但我听不懂他们的对话，只听懂了〈那个〉，〈北京〉，〈三〉，和〈台湾〉几个生词。

我还听错了，我以为阿伯说〈点〉，其实他说的是〈天〉！

他告诉了大家，他被邀请去北京参观一种武器。主持人夸口说用这新的武器，台湾可以在三天之内被炮轰打倒。

不要把。我太泄气，不要修改这篇文章所以在政治上是正确。

want to give up on learning chinese language

I am quite in the low spirit lately.

The cause? When my father's cousin and I met last week, two of his relatives trod along. They are native Chinese from mainland.

My uncle conversed with them using Mandarin. I've been self-taught in Mandarin for about three years now. But all that made sense to me were 'that', 'Beijing', 'three', and 'Taiwan'.

Even I made a mistake thinking that my uncle said 'hours' instead of 'days'!

He was telling them that he was invited to a weapon exhibition or something in Beijing. The person who invited him had boasted that the new machinery could take Taiwan down in three days.

No. I am too low-spirited to alter this post into a politically correct one.

yǒu xiǎo háizi dì měilì nǚrén, xiǎoxīn a!

Wǒ tóngshì gàosùle wǒ rúguǒ tā yǐhòu bùzài zhèlǐ gōngzuòle, tā huì xiǎng yào zuò shénme.

"Wǒ kěyǐ kāichē jiāng xiǎopéngyǒu cóng xuéxiào sòng huí jiā, ránhòu zài bǎ tāmen cóng jiā sòng dào xuéxiào, yǐ cǐ xiàng tāmen de fùmǔ shōuqǔ bàochóu."

Wǒ xiǎng gēn tā kāi gè wánxiào, suǒyǐ shuō: 'Qiáojiàn nǐ nà zhāng liǎn tāmen bù huì xià kū ma?'

Tā méi rènshū, jiù shuō: "Nà wǒ jiù gěi tāmen de piàoliang māmā dǎ diànhuà, 'kuài guòlái a, nǐ érzi zài kū', tāmen jiù huì guòláile."

'Rúguǒ tāmen de māmā bù měi, zěnme bàn?'

"Bǎ nǐ ér zǐ huán gěi nǐ, sǐ xiǎo guǐkū de gè bù tíng, zhēn máfan, zǒu zǒu zǒu zǒu."

有小孩子的美丽女人，小心啊！

我同事告诉了我如果他以后不在这里工作了，他会想要做什么。

「我可以开车将小朋友从学校送回家，然后再把他们从家送到学校，以此向他们的父母收取报酬。」

我想跟他开个玩笑，所以说:「瞧见你那张脸他们不会吓哭吗？」

他没认输，就说：「那我就给他们的漂亮妈妈打电话，‘快过来啊，你儿子在哭’，她们就会过来了。」

「如果他们的妈妈不美，怎么办？」

「把你儿子还给你，死小鬼哭的个不停，真麻烦，走走走走。」

pretty women with small children, beware!

My colleague talked about his plans for later when he's not working for our boss anymore.

"With my car I will pick up small kids from the school and deliver them to their houses, and from their houses to the school, getting payment from their parents."

Wanting to tease him, I asked: "Won't they cry just by the mere sight of your face?"

He's not losing it: "Then I'll call their pretty mothers, 'come here, your son's crying', and they'll come."

"What if their mothers are not pretty?"

"Here, take your crying child and go away."

mèng jiàn zhanmusi·a'er tú qiè er

Zài wǒ de mèng lǐ Zhanmusi·A'er tú qiè er chuànglìle zìjǐ de shíshàng fúshì gōngsī. Wǒ qùle tā kāi zài yījiā gòuwù zhòng xīn lǐ de shāngdiàn. Kàn dào tā de míngzì bèi fèng zàile nán shì nèiyī lǐ, wǒ xiàole. Tā mài nàgè yī xiāng sān jiàn.

Zuìhòu wǒ mǎile yī jiàn chènyī (huò yī jiàn xùshān, jì bù qǐ), tā de míngzì yě bèi fèng zàile yīfú de lǐmiàn.

梦见詹姆斯·阿尔图切尔

在我的梦里詹姆斯·阿尔图切尔创立了自己的时尚服饰公司。我去了他开在一家购物中心里的商店。看到它的名字被缝在了男式内衣里，我笑了。他卖那个一箱三件。

最后我买了一件衬衣（或一件恤衫，记不起），他的名字也被缝在了衣服的里面。

dreamt of james altucher

So in my dream James Altucher started his own clothing line. I visited a shop of his on the mall and giggled seeing his name sewn on a pair of male underwears. He sold them in boxes, 3 pcs each.

In the end I bought a shirt (or a polo shirt, can't remember), also with his name sewn on the inside.

nǐ zhīdào zìjǐ jiǎnféi yǐ chū yǒu chéngxiào, dāng... -- dì èr bùfèn

Yīgè nǐ gāng rènshí de nánhái (tā bù zhīdào nǐ céngjīng pàngguò) gēn nǐ shuō pàng nǚhái de huàihuà, shuō fēicháng yànwù tāmen.


Zuìhòu yòng yīgè "ǒu" de biǎoqíng jiéshù pínglùn!

Nǐ cāi zěnmezhe? Ài duì biérén píngtóulùnzú de jiāhuo cái shì zuì lìng rén tǎoyàn de.

你知道自己减肥已初有成效，当。。。 -- 第二部分

一个你刚认识的男孩（他不知道你曾经胖过）跟你说胖女孩的坏话，说非常厌恶她们。


最后用一个《呕》的表情结束评论！

你猜怎么着？爱对别人评头论足的家伙才是最令人讨厌的。

you know you've lost a few pounds from your overweight state when... -- part two

A guy you just met (a.k.a the guy who have no idea you heave been fat before) talked trash about fat girls, saying he's disgusted of them and stuff.


Complete with the 'blurrrgh' emoticon!

You know what? Judgmental guys are the ones who're disgusting.