javascript yíngzhàn xiàngliàn

Wǒ xiěle yīduàn tèshū de dàimǎ. Zhè duàn yuán dàimǎ shì wǒ lǎobǎn yīgè wǎngzhàn de yībùfèn.

Zhè chéngxù shì yòng PHP hé JavaScript xiě de. Wǒ xǐhuān PHP, dàn JavaScript zěnme yě dǒng bùzháo.JavaScript duì wǒ lái shuō, jiù xiàng wǒ ā mā duìyú méi yùn bù lái'ēn de mǐ mǔ yīyàng mòshēng. Dāng wǒ háishì gè háizi de shíhòu, wǒ ā mā jiù qùshìle. Tā shì shàng yī bèi de wánměi dàibiǎo, tā huì jiānchí zhǔ de jī yīdìng yàoshi xiàn zǎi de! Érqiě, tā hái chánzú.

Wúlùn rúhé, wǒ zài chéngshì mǎ de JavaScript bùfèn shàng yǐjīng làngfèile hěnduō shíjiān. Zhè liǎng xīngqí wǒ yīzhí hěn xiǎng mǎi yītiáo tèshū de xiàngliàn. Yúshì wǒ gàosù zìjǐ, rúguǒ wǒ kěyǐ zài rìluò zhīqián wánchéng cǐ xiàng rènwù, wǒ jiù mǎi nà tiáo xiàngliàn, dàn rúguǒ wǒ méi néng wánchéng, wǒ jiù yǒngyuǎn yǒngyuǎn bù huì mǎi nà tiáo xiàngliàn.

Lìng wǒ shìrán de shì, wǒ jiějuéle wèntí, jiějué fāngfǎ hé JavaScript háo wú guānxì, fǎn'ér yǔ PHP nà biān yǒu guānxì de. Yuánlái wèile dáchéng mùbiāo, xūyào jǐ zìjǐ yīdiǎn yālì.

Xiàngliàn màijiā, wǒ lái a! Nǐ juédé nǎ zhǒng yánsè zuì hǎo kàn?

javascript迎战项链

我写了一段特殊的代码。这段源代码是我老板一个网站的一部分。

这程序是用PHP和JavaScript写的。我喜欢PHP，但JavaScript怎么也懂不着。JavaScript对我来说,就像我阿嬷对于霉运布莱恩的米姆一样陌生。当我还是个孩子的时候，我阿嬤就去世了。她是上一辈的完美代表，她会坚持煮的鸡一定要是现宰的！而且，她还缠足。

无论如何，我在程式码的JavaScript部分上已经浪费了很多时间。这两星期我一直很想买一条特殊的项链。于是我告诉自己，如果我可以在日落之前完成此项任务，我就买那条项链，但如果我没能完成，我就永远永远不会买那条项链。

令我释然的是，我解决了问题，解决方法和JavaScript毫无关系，反而与PHP那边有关系的。原来为了达成目标，需要给自己一点压力。

项链卖家，我来啊！你觉得哪种颜色最好看？

javascript vs necklace

So I just finished writing a particular code. The code was a part of a website owned by my boss.

This code was in JavaScript and PHP. While I love PHP, for the life of me I can't understand JavaScript. It is as foreign to me as Bad Luck Brian meme to my paternal grandmother. Who passed away when I was little. She was from an older generation, you know, who insisted on having the chicken she was about to cook be butchered in front of her eyes! Also, she had lotus feet.

Anyhow, many hours was spent comprehending the JavaScript part of the code. Far too many hours. So I told myself I'd buy a necklace I've been drooling over the last two weeks if I could finish the code by sunset, and never to buy it if I failed.

To my relief I found a workaround that had little to do with JavaScript, much on the PHP side. Turns out one needs a little push to achieve his/her goal.

So... necklace seller, here I come! Which color do you think is best?

M&M's

Wǒ zhàn zài M&M jíxiáng wù páng pāile zhāng zhàopiàn, ránhòu wǒ gěi wǒ de péngyǒu kàn.

Tā shuō: "Liǎng rénwù zhǎng de dōu yīyàng a!"

=__= Zhēnshi de, kàn lái yòu yào jiéshíle!

M&M's

我站在M&M吉祥物旁拍了张照片，然后我给我的朋友看。

他说：「两人物长的都一样啊！」

=__= 真是的，看来又要节食了！

M&M's

I showed a friend a picture of me standing side by side with the gigantic red M&M's mascot.

"You two are similar," he said.

=__= Really, it seems I　have to go on a diet!

jīnnián de guānggùn jié

Yīgè péngyǒu wèn: "Nǐ zuìjìn hái hǎo ma?"

Wǒ huídá tā: "Hái hǎo, zhǐyǒu diǎn wúliáole."

Tā wèn wǒ: "Wèishéme?"

"Yīnwèi guānggùn jié yào dàole, rénmen dōu zài wǎngshàng gòuwù. Chúle xiāofèi zhǔyì, rénshēng lùshàng hái yīnggāi yǒu qítā shìqíng," wǒ shuōdao. Jǐ miǎo zhǒng hòu wǒ bǔchōng dào, "Wǒ dehuà tīng shàngqù xiàng shì yī míng gòngchǎn zhǔyì zhě bù?"

今年的光棍节

一个朋友问：「你最近还好吗？」

我回答他：「还好，只有点无聊了。」

他问我：「为什么？」

「因为光棍节要到了，人们都在网上购物。除了消费主义，人生路上还应该有其他事情，」我说道。几秒种后我补充道，「我的话听上去像是一名共产主义者不?」

single's day this year

A friend asked me why when I answered 'a little bored' to his question "How are you lately?"

I answered "People around me are shopping online for Single's Day. I feel bored because there should be something in life other than consumerism. Now I sound like a commie, don't I?"

007: èmó sìfú

Zhānmǔsī·bāng dé xìliè zuìxīn de yǐngpiàn hěn yīn chénchén. Quēfá zhíwù.

Wǒ juédé, cóng dānní'ěr·kè léi gé bànyǎn 007 kāishǐ,007 jiù yǐjīng xíngchéngle gùdìng móshì: Zài diànyǐng zhōng, tā bìxū jīngshòu kǔxíng. Zhè cì hàipà yáyī de rén zhèngshíle tāmen de kǒngjù, yīnwèi zhè diànyǐng de xíngjù xiàng yáyī de yá zuàn yīyàng de.

Hái yǒu, mò nī kǎ·bèi lǔ qí méiyǒu zài shàng qián de 007 yǐngpiàn “dàpò tiānmù shājī” zhòng chūxiàn ma?

007：惡魔四伏

詹姆斯·邦德系列最新的影片很阴沉沉。缺乏植物。

我觉得，从丹尼尔·克雷格扮演007开始，007就已经形成了固定模式：在电影中，他必须经受苦刑。这次害怕牙医的人证实了他们的恐惧，因为这电影的刑具像牙医的牙钻一样的。

还有，莫妮卡·贝鲁奇没有在上前的007影片《大破天幕杀机》中出现吗？

spectre

James Bond's newest movie is dark, gloomy, and lack of green plants.

I think it becomes the norm since Daniel Craig took the rule that 007 must be tortured on screen. This time viewers who are already afraid of going to dentists can validate their fear, for the device used for torturing purposes in this movie resembles a dentist's drill.

Also, wasn't Monica Bellucci in the movie before? Skyfall.

gāngà de wǔfàn

Jīntiān wǒ zài yījiā cāntīng chī wǔfàn shí, wǒ kàn dàole yǐqián de dàxué jiǎngshī. Tā méiyǒu jiàoguò wǒ dàn hé wǒ chī wǔfàn de péngyǒu mǎshàng rèn chūle tā.

Zhè chǔjìng zhēn gāngà ya! Wǒ juédìng shì'érbùjiàn. Rúguǒ wǒ gēn tā dǎzhāohū dehuà, nà tā jiù huì kàn dào wǒ péngyǒu, bìngqiě fāxiàn wǒ péngyǒu shì tā céngjīng jiàoguò de xuéshēng què bùxiǎng gēn tā dǎzhāohū. Yàoshi zhèyàng dehuà jiù bù hǎole.

Nǐmen zěnme yàng, zuìjìn yǒu méiyǒu xiànrù zhè zhǒng gāngà de chǔjìng?

尴尬的午饭

今天我在一家餐厅吃午饭时，我看到了以前的大学讲师。他没有教过我但和我吃午饭的朋友马上认出了他。

这处境真尴尬呀！我决定视而不见。如果我跟他打招呼的话，那他就会看到我朋友，并且发现我朋友是他曾经教过的学生却不想跟他打招呼。要是这样的话就不好了。

你们怎么样，最近有没有陷入这种尴尬的处境？

awkward lunch

So I saw an ex-lecturer of my ex-university while having lunch at a restaurant today. He had never taught me, but my friend who I was having lunch with recognized him instantly.

Frozen in awkward situation, I decided to do nothing. It would not be good if I greeted him and brought attention to my friend, who's been his student but didn't want to greet him.

How about you? Any awkward situation you're having lately?

kùrè nánnài

Jīntiān wǒ qí chē jīngguò yīgè dàxíng shùzì wēndù pái shí tàiyáng zǎoyǐ xī xià. Shàngmiàn xiǎnshì: Mùqián wēndù èrshíjiǔ shèshìdù.

Nánguài wǒ hàn rú yǔ xià, ér wǒ de àirén sànfàzhe yī gǔ duò suì de máo cōng de wèi er!

酷热难耐

今天我骑车经过一个大型数字温度牌时太阳早已西下。上面显示：目前温度二十九摄氏度。

难怪我汗如雨下，而我的爱人散发着一股剁碎的毛葱的味儿！

the weather is too hot

The sun has long set when I rode past a giant digital announcement board today. 29 Celcius degree, it said.

No wonder I sweated like crazy and my lover smelled like minced shallots!

yìnní de jiàng tóu -- dì èr bùfèn

Bókè yǒu yīduàn shíjiān méi gēngxīnle. Zhè cì ràng wǒ gàosù nǐ yīgè yǒuguān wǔshí duō suì de nǚrén de gùshì. Tā zǒng shì gēn rén jiǎng tā shì duōme dì měilì, hái xǐhuān shuō zìjǐ pífū méiyǒu zhòuwén, lián shēngchēng èrshí duō suì de niánqīng xiǎohuǒ dōu xiǎng zhuīqiú zìjǐ. Tā gōngkāi chēng yìnní nà zhǒng jiào 'shūshu' de wū shù ràng tā déyǐ bǎochí měimào.

Kě wèntí shì, suǒyǒu rén dōu kěyǐ kànjiàn tā liǎn shàng de zhòuwén, érqiě tā de zhòuwén jiù xiàng shì zài bīngxiāng lǐ fàngle yīgè yuè de húluóbo de zhězhòu shì de.

Wǒ xiǎng, nàgè fǎshù zhǐshì ràng tā de nǎozi huò yǎnjīng míhúle.

Rén kěyǐ wéi le qián zuò chū zhème kěpà de shìqíng. Shènzhì lián quēfá ānquán gǎn de lǎo nǚrén yě bù fàngguò, bùxī tōngguò qīpiàn tā lái huòqǔ jīnqián.

印尼的降头 -- 第二部分

博客有一段时间没更新了。这次让我告诉你一个有关五十多岁的女人的故事。她总是跟人讲她是多么的美丽，还喜欢说自己皮肤没有皱纹，连声称二十多岁的年轻小伙都想追求自己。她公开称印尼那种叫《叔叔》的巫术让她得以保持美貌。

可问题是，所有人都可以看见她脸上的皱纹，而且她的皱纹就像是在冰箱里放了一个月的胡萝卜的褶皱似的。

我想，那个法术只是让她的脑子或眼睛迷糊了。

人可以为了钱做出这么可怕的事情。甚至连缺乏安全感的老女人也不放过，不惜通过欺骗她来获取金钱。

indonesian black magic -- part two

Haven’t updated in a while! This time I will tell you about a fifty-something woman I know who keeps telling everyone how pretty she is, wrinkle-free, chased by men half her age, etc. She publicly praised herself for using Indonesian black magic 'susuk' to keep her beautiful.

The problem is, everyone can see that she is wrinkly. As in carrots you forget on the fridge after month-long holiday wrinkly.

I think the only thing that susuk done right was messing with her head or eyesight.

Scary what people can do for money, even going as far as conning an insecure old lady.